been a while since i wrote here.
wondering what to write.
blank.
breathe.
still blank.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
copycat prayer. thanks daw.
“God, please let your will be done… Let your will be done in my life always. If what I am about to do is not your will, please give me an unrest about it. Please put a stop to it. Lead me in the right path. I want to follow your will. I want to walk in your way…. if this is what you want me to do, please confirm it to me and grant me peace concerning it. Bless the work of my hands and let me glorify and honor you in all that I do. Let me live to testify your goodness. Show me what to do. Lead me where to go. Show me what steps to take. Thank you Lord, because I know your plans for me are for good and not for evil. Thank you because I know you have me on your heart. Thank you because you are my Father and You love me. And I know I have peace in you. Amen.”
-Author Unknown, from Jollynotes.com
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
transition
why is it that we must always aim to better things when things are acceptable the way they are?
Monday, September 12, 2011
525,600 MINUTES
this all too familiar lyric to the very famous song "seasons of love" from the musical "rent" plays in my head.
yes, it has been already a year of kilig and happy moments. sometimes, moments so happy that you just think you could implode and leave traces of yourself everywhere. yet, just like every package, the positives must be peppered with challenges...such as the commitment of finishing things, hanging on and doing stuff even if you dont want to, the peaks and valleys of successes and failures. things that make me thankful to be alive and make me learn more about myself and people close to me.
but all in all, it is worth it.
too fast, i tell you.
sometimes, i just wish i had bottomless supply of brake fluid so that i could put a stop to time. so that i could have time to look around, laugh a bit more, or appreciate moments which i didn't know would become rarities in the future. at other times, i wish i had a time machine so that i could fast forward to the future and be where i think i want to be.
oddly though, when you get to the place where you thought in the past you want to be, it rarely ends up being what you imagine it to be.
so i find myself reflecting on what has been.
in the middle of all the funny-ness of the santol seeds, sucking it up, and prunification, the past 525,600 minutes have all been good. :)
____
4 imchorvs
yes, it has been already a year of kilig and happy moments. sometimes, moments so happy that you just think you could implode and leave traces of yourself everywhere. yet, just like every package, the positives must be peppered with challenges...such as the commitment of finishing things, hanging on and doing stuff even if you dont want to, the peaks and valleys of successes and failures. things that make me thankful to be alive and make me learn more about myself and people close to me.
but all in all, it is worth it.
too fast, i tell you.
sometimes, i just wish i had bottomless supply of brake fluid so that i could put a stop to time. so that i could have time to look around, laugh a bit more, or appreciate moments which i didn't know would become rarities in the future. at other times, i wish i had a time machine so that i could fast forward to the future and be where i think i want to be.
oddly though, when you get to the place where you thought in the past you want to be, it rarely ends up being what you imagine it to be.
so i find myself reflecting on what has been.
in the middle of all the funny-ness of the santol seeds, sucking it up, and prunification, the past 525,600 minutes have all been good. :)
____
4 imchorvs
outwardly aging, inwardly regressing
last saturday, i, along with very close friends of mine, attended the dedication cum birthday party of the children of mrs therese. for the first time in a long time, i saw myself with my former co residents existing in their lives outside medschool: lives as moms, dads, with yayas, running after their children, making sure all the guests were well, coaching their kids regarding how they could best pin the tail on the donkey, carrying their children on their shoulders so that they can get the prime prize during the pabitin, or going with their child to the pool to feel if the water was warm enough for swimming.
gone were the days when we slept in the comfort of the callroom, rooting for american idol, playing guitar hero between referrals at the er. all of a sudden, i was vortexed into the future of grown-uped-ness in the middle of the party.
the weirdest part of the vortex was that i felt the same. i felt cheated that i didn't get to partake of the spaghetti and chicken lollipop and the red hotdog with the marshmallow at the tip of the stick.
i felt like competing for a loot bag. i wanted to play hit the pot and swim with the rest of the kids in the cold weather.
however, as if to prove that these days were over, a single strand of WHITE HAIR distracted me in the middle of the dedication service. as if in a motion of resistance and rebellion, i hastily and forcefully pulled out the white strand of hair.
i called the attention of SAFM and resident-brain-man and said "look oh".
to which they replied "ano yan?"
"white hair." i said.
as if to rub the irreversibility of it all, we did that which we could only do.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
gone were the days when we slept in the comfort of the callroom, rooting for american idol, playing guitar hero between referrals at the er. all of a sudden, i was vortexed into the future of grown-uped-ness in the middle of the party.
the weirdest part of the vortex was that i felt the same. i felt cheated that i didn't get to partake of the spaghetti and chicken lollipop and the red hotdog with the marshmallow at the tip of the stick.
i felt like competing for a loot bag. i wanted to play hit the pot and swim with the rest of the kids in the cold weather.
however, as if to prove that these days were over, a single strand of WHITE HAIR distracted me in the middle of the dedication service. as if in a motion of resistance and rebellion, i hastily and forcefully pulled out the white strand of hair.
i called the attention of SAFM and resident-brain-man and said "look oh".
to which they replied "ano yan?"
"white hair." i said.
as if to rub the irreversibility of it all, we did that which we could only do.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Monday, August 22, 2011
letting go of the excess baggage and "reset"-ing
last weekend, i had a long list of things to do: finish up my researches, pay sun bill, study for the exam...and the list goes on and on.
but i was only able to do one thing.
i reformatted my computer. by myself, but with the help of my brother in law.
it was a very "free-ing" exercise. i was forced to review all the files that i had in my laptop and ended up deleting them all. yes, even those movies (in my life, 50 first dates, my big fat greek wedding, but at the back of my mind i knew i could download them again), the go-sing application with all the songs, the skype and YM application to chat with friends, the i tunes application with all the MP3s. in the end, all i had in my tera-byte external drive were the precious pictures and the researches at hand.
if i could do this with my life, get rid of all the baggage, reset myself once in the while, or at least defrag myself periodically, i think life would have less angst. as a co-fellow put it, life would be much easier if we would not over analyze. or in my head, end up being pack-rats, paying homage to really unnecessary things that we think make us happy, but end up being excess baggage, slowing us down, or taking us away from the things we really deem important.
as a result, i now have a faster laptop. it feels lighter too.
i wish my life could be like this. besides, i need the speed given that i only have 6 months to go in this current exercise. what's MORE... in 9 days, the -ber months will come rolling in.
life is so fast, there is fear in closing my eyes. once i open them i might find myself living the future. but then again, i am excited to move on to the next chapter. with just the necessary baggage in hand. :)
but i was only able to do one thing.
i reformatted my computer. by myself, but with the help of my brother in law.
it was a very "free-ing" exercise. i was forced to review all the files that i had in my laptop and ended up deleting them all. yes, even those movies (in my life, 50 first dates, my big fat greek wedding, but at the back of my mind i knew i could download them again), the go-sing application with all the songs, the skype and YM application to chat with friends, the i tunes application with all the MP3s. in the end, all i had in my tera-byte external drive were the precious pictures and the researches at hand.
if i could do this with my life, get rid of all the baggage, reset myself once in the while, or at least defrag myself periodically, i think life would have less angst. as a co-fellow put it, life would be much easier if we would not over analyze. or in my head, end up being pack-rats, paying homage to really unnecessary things that we think make us happy, but end up being excess baggage, slowing us down, or taking us away from the things we really deem important.
as a result, i now have a faster laptop. it feels lighter too.
i wish my life could be like this. besides, i need the speed given that i only have 6 months to go in this current exercise. what's MORE... in 9 days, the -ber months will come rolling in.
life is so fast, there is fear in closing my eyes. once i open them i might find myself living the future. but then again, i am excited to move on to the next chapter. with just the necessary baggage in hand. :)
SMS saga
to continue the saga...
i went through the chart of our infamous extension-itis patient only to see that the "silip" done by ORL was normal. i called friendly GI batchmate fellow to ask the next best course of action. wel came to the consensus of the EGD. Mura na, Mabilis pa. (sounds like PGH logo).
amidst all the embarrassment, i call up kindhearted towering GI fellow to refer our patient. and then i entered in the chart. which was real funny because the chart looked like this:
ORL: laryngoscopy done, no abnormality. assessment: dysphagia, etiology to be determined.
all of a sudden, there was this misplaced entry:
Renal: please do ECG. Refer to GI. (which i already did.)
The next day, i was plagued with forwarded messages from extension asking why they were spending, why the doctors were taking so long, isn't being a PGH charity patient all about getting things for free.
to which i replied: wala na pong libre ngayon.
good thing, this story has sort of a compensatory comic relief ending. i get a text from kind-hearted towering GI fellow:
GI fellow: smoketh, esophagel foreing body ang nakita. I retrieved it na. santol seend. mukhang nag lodge sa level ng aortic arch. pa xray na rin.
I wasted no time forwarding the message to my closest friends. to hell with confidentiality.
it is a good thing my friends were really my friends. their replies:
frichmond: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
SAFM: I burst into laughter in the middle of thigns when i remember the f ____ ng santol. AHAHAHAHA!
SAFM after 2 hours: f _ _ _! tawang tawa pa rin ako sa santol ahahahaha ahahahaha AHAHAHAHAHAH!
In fairness, extensionitis had her share of SMS as well: good afternoon, po. Dra, maraming salamat po nandito na kame sa bahay. salamat po talaga.
to which i replied....NOTHING!
i went through the chart of our infamous extension-itis patient only to see that the "silip" done by ORL was normal. i called friendly GI batchmate fellow to ask the next best course of action. wel came to the consensus of the EGD. Mura na, Mabilis pa. (sounds like PGH logo).
amidst all the embarrassment, i call up kindhearted towering GI fellow to refer our patient. and then i entered in the chart. which was real funny because the chart looked like this:
ORL: laryngoscopy done, no abnormality. assessment: dysphagia, etiology to be determined.
all of a sudden, there was this misplaced entry:
Renal: please do ECG. Refer to GI. (which i already did.)
The next day, i was plagued with forwarded messages from extension asking why they were spending, why the doctors were taking so long, isn't being a PGH charity patient all about getting things for free.
to which i replied: wala na pong libre ngayon.
good thing, this story has sort of a compensatory comic relief ending. i get a text from kind-hearted towering GI fellow:
GI fellow: smoketh, esophagel foreing body ang nakita. I retrieved it na. santol seend. mukhang nag lodge sa level ng aortic arch. pa xray na rin.
I wasted no time forwarding the message to my closest friends. to hell with confidentiality.
it is a good thing my friends were really my friends. their replies:
frichmond: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
SAFM: I burst into laughter in the middle of thigns when i remember the f ____ ng santol. AHAHAHAHA!
SAFM after 2 hours: f _ _ _! tawang tawa pa rin ako sa santol ahahahaha ahahahaha AHAHAHAHAHAH!
In fairness, extensionitis had her share of SMS as well: good afternoon, po. Dra, maraming salamat po nandito na kame sa bahay. salamat po talaga.
to which i replied....NOTHING!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
disclaimer: names of the characters have been changed to protect their identity.
it has been a while since i visited my blog...but with events of today, i find the need to document in my blog suck it up. such is life. even as we live it, there are certain events that happen which are so UNBELIEVABLE that we would just have to laugh at it in order for it to have good comic index and for the experience to have high value.
sayang sa time kung di tayo tumawa.
the following is such an event.
today i got a text from my dad: "sir magandang hapon po. john po ito. sir baka pede niyo naman po tulungan papa ko kasi mag iisang linggo na po siyang hindi nakakakain. kahit po tubig ininusuka niya agad. Parang awa niyo na sir, tulunggan (yes, spelled this way) niyo naman po kami. Marissa, please help Mr. Dioqno. Daddy JT Lim"
I read the message twice and sounds of crickets came into mind. I don't know if i was suffering short term memory loss, or if i was stuck in an alternate universe. yes, the text came from my dad but i really didn't get the message. he was referring to jonathan or mr diocton as if they were our closest family friends, but i had NO idea who they were.
I didn't know what to say. so i texted the obvious.
i replied a curt, nose-wrinkling, alta-toned reply with a hint of disgust and distaste: "who's that?"
my dad replied: "Mr. Dioqno, father of Marjorie and husband of Mama Mary Dioqno of Pateros"
pause.
then, it made made sense. but it turned my life into a funnier, twilight zone-ier life.
if you get this story, then you are included in my circle of closest friends. hehehe.
i did all that i could to stop myself from rolling on the floor laughing. i was living my life everyday, but even then, i could not believe that this was happening.
so of course, i performed all my doctorly functions to that patient. later on, i get a message saying "mamamatay na siya" and "cancer, baka cancer, kung kailangan ng CT scan, sagutin mo muna, babayaran ko!" OMG. Then as it turns out, this Mr. Dioqno is a 56 (take note, 56 is really way less than 70) year old male who is ambulatory and very fit, walking to our ER. talk about near death. so i endorsed him to the ER officer and instructed them to text me if there was a problem.
to hellellell with these doctorly functions which i want to get out of. i have no obligation to these people. but just like that, i was vortexed into a family i really didn't want to get into.
but then again, we are taught, early in life, to suck it up.
so i did.
it has been a while since i visited my blog...but with events of today, i find the need to document in my blog suck it up. such is life. even as we live it, there are certain events that happen which are so UNBELIEVABLE that we would just have to laugh at it in order for it to have good comic index and for the experience to have high value.
sayang sa time kung di tayo tumawa.
the following is such an event.
today i got a text from my dad: "sir magandang hapon po. john po ito. sir baka pede niyo naman po tulungan papa ko kasi mag iisang linggo na po siyang hindi nakakakain. kahit po tubig ininusuka niya agad. Parang awa niyo na sir, tulunggan (yes, spelled this way) niyo naman po kami. Marissa, please help Mr. Dioqno. Daddy JT Lim"
I read the message twice and sounds of crickets came into mind. I don't know if i was suffering short term memory loss, or if i was stuck in an alternate universe. yes, the text came from my dad but i really didn't get the message. he was referring to jonathan or mr diocton as if they were our closest family friends, but i had NO idea who they were.
I didn't know what to say. so i texted the obvious.
i replied a curt, nose-wrinkling, alta-toned reply with a hint of disgust and distaste: "who's that?"
my dad replied: "Mr. Dioqno, father of Marjorie and husband of Mama Mary Dioqno of Pateros"
pause.
then, it made made sense. but it turned my life into a funnier, twilight zone-ier life.
if you get this story, then you are included in my circle of closest friends. hehehe.
i did all that i could to stop myself from rolling on the floor laughing. i was living my life everyday, but even then, i could not believe that this was happening.
so of course, i performed all my doctorly functions to that patient. later on, i get a message saying "mamamatay na siya" and "cancer, baka cancer, kung kailangan ng CT scan, sagutin mo muna, babayaran ko!" OMG. Then as it turns out, this Mr. Dioqno is a 56 (take note, 56 is really way less than 70) year old male who is ambulatory and very fit, walking to our ER. talk about near death. so i endorsed him to the ER officer and instructed them to text me if there was a problem.
to hellellell with these doctorly functions which i want to get out of. i have no obligation to these people. but just like that, i was vortexed into a family i really didn't want to get into.
but then again, we are taught, early in life, to suck it up.
so i did.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
superlatives
good food and good trips become better with great company.
bitter rantings become better when done regularly with best friends.
the goal for life is to live not just comparatives, but superlatives.
bow.
bitter rantings become better when done regularly with best friends.
the goal for life is to live not just comparatives, but superlatives.
bow.
moldy bread
i have always maintained that persons are like bread.
bread has different shelf lives. there are breads that last for just a day, breads that are available at the grocery store for half the price off when the bakery is about to close so that they would get sold out and hopefully consumed before the mold comes and makes the bread all bad. there are breads that last for weeks on end.
since the bread has different expiration dates, it is important to determine when best to consume them before they go bad.
such is hellowship life. some of the wisest people i know got out of training just before they expired. much to my frustration, i failed to realize that my expiration date was stamped on my forehead dated 2010.
but i pushed the bread in me. beyond the limit.
hence i am now moldy bread. no amount of saran wrap can keep away the molds from the decaying bread.
still, there are a lot of hungry people out there who are willing to partake of ANY kind of bread, even if it is moldy.
i don't know if that is good or not.
why can't we just become like wine? gets better with age...
bread has different shelf lives. there are breads that last for just a day, breads that are available at the grocery store for half the price off when the bakery is about to close so that they would get sold out and hopefully consumed before the mold comes and makes the bread all bad. there are breads that last for weeks on end.
since the bread has different expiration dates, it is important to determine when best to consume them before they go bad.
such is hellowship life. some of the wisest people i know got out of training just before they expired. much to my frustration, i failed to realize that my expiration date was stamped on my forehead dated 2010.
but i pushed the bread in me. beyond the limit.
hence i am now moldy bread. no amount of saran wrap can keep away the molds from the decaying bread.
still, there are a lot of hungry people out there who are willing to partake of ANY kind of bread, even if it is moldy.
i don't know if that is good or not.
why can't we just become like wine? gets better with age...
Monday, July 18, 2011
discriminate
it is tough to discriminate between the following:
1. sadness
2. boredom
3. dissatisfaction
they all feel the same.
but give it time, the distinguishing factor often reveals itself after waiting patiently.
but there is only one solution.
lur.
1. sadness
2. boredom
3. dissatisfaction
they all feel the same.
but give it time, the distinguishing factor often reveals itself after waiting patiently.
but there is only one solution.
lur.
push over
because i am the ultimate push over, i am now writing a blog after my long sabbatical...thanks to the nudge of special agent.
i post a query: have you you every felt so sad and dissatisfied that the sadness and dissatisfaction just sticks to you like saran wrap and that you don't notice it anymore? until you find that nothing perks you up further.
what to do, what to do?
no connection. random thoughts only.
and on the random thought train...to my friends, thanks for the aging tribute.
the writer in me has decayed.
i post a query: have you you every felt so sad and dissatisfied that the sadness and dissatisfaction just sticks to you like saran wrap and that you don't notice it anymore? until you find that nothing perks you up further.
what to do, what to do?
no connection. random thoughts only.
and on the random thought train...to my friends, thanks for the aging tribute.
the writer in me has decayed.
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