breathe

been a while since i wrote here.

wondering what to write.

blank.

breathe.

still blank.

copycat prayer. thanks daw.

“God, please let your will be done… Let your will be done in my life always. If what I am about to do is not your will, please give me an unrest about it. Please put a stop to it. Lead me in the right path. I want to follow your will. I want to walk in your way…. if this is what you want me to do, please confirm it to me and grant me peace concerning it. Bless the work of my hands and let me glorify and honor you in all that I do. Let me live to testify your goodness. Show me what to do. Lead me where to go. Show me what steps to take. Thank you Lord, because I know your plans for me are for good and not for evil. Thank you because I know you have me on your heart. Thank you because you are my Father and You love me. And I know I have peace in you. Amen.”

-Author Unknown, from Jollynotes.com

transition

why is it that we must always aim to better things when things are acceptable the way they are?

525,600 MINUTES

this all too familiar lyric to the very famous song "seasons of love" from the musical "rent" plays in my head.

yes, it has been already a year of kilig and happy moments.  sometimes, moments so happy that you just think you could implode and leave traces of yourself everywhere.  yet, just like every package, the positives must be peppered with challenges...such as the commitment of finishing things, hanging on and doing stuff even if you dont want to, the peaks and valleys of successes and failures.  things that make me thankful to be alive and make me learn more about myself and people close to me.

but all in all, it is worth it.

too fast, i tell you.

sometimes, i just wish i had bottomless supply of brake fluid so that i could put a stop to time.  so that i could have time to look around, laugh a bit more, or appreciate moments which i didn't know would become rarities in the future.  at other times, i wish i had a time machine so that i could fast forward to the future and be where i think i want to be.

oddly though, when you get to the place where you thought in the past you want to be, it rarely ends up being what you imagine it to be.

so i find myself reflecting on what has been.

in the middle of all the funny-ness of the santol seeds, sucking it up, and prunification, the past 525,600 minutes have all been good. :)



____

4 imchorvs

outwardly aging, inwardly regressing

last saturday, i, along with very close friends of mine, attended the dedication cum birthday party of the children of mrs therese.  for the first time in a long time, i saw myself with my former co residents existing in their lives outside medschool: lives as moms, dads, with yayas, running after their children, making sure all the guests were well, coaching their kids regarding how they could best pin the tail on the donkey, carrying their children on their shoulders so that they can get the prime prize during the pabitin, or going with their child to the pool to feel if the water was warm enough for swimming.

gone were the days when we slept in the comfort of the callroom, rooting for american idol, playing guitar hero between referrals at the er.  all of a sudden, i was vortexed into the future of grown-uped-ness in the middle of the party.

the weirdest part of the vortex was that i felt the same.  i felt cheated that i didn't get to partake of the spaghetti and chicken lollipop and the red hotdog with the marshmallow at the tip of the stick.

i felt like competing for a loot bag.  i wanted to play hit the pot and swim with the rest of the kids in the cold weather.

however, as if to prove that these days were over, a single strand of WHITE HAIR distracted me in the middle of the dedication service.  as if in a motion of resistance and rebellion, i hastily and forcefully pulled out the white strand of hair.

i called the attention of SAFM and resident-brain-man and said "look oh".

to which they replied "ano yan?"

"white hair." i said.

as if to rub the irreversibility of it all, we did that which we could only do.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

letting go of the excess baggage and "reset"-ing

last weekend, i had a long list of things to do: finish up my researches, pay sun bill, study for the exam...and the list goes on and on. 

but i was only able to do one thing.

i reformatted my computer.  by myself, but with the help of my brother in law.

it was a very "free-ing" exercise.  i was forced to review all the files that i had in  my laptop and ended up deleting them all. yes, even those movies (in my life, 50 first dates, my big fat greek wedding, but at the back of my mind i knew i could download them again), the go-sing application with all the songs, the skype and YM application to chat with friends, the i tunes application with all the MP3s.  in the end, all i had in my tera-byte external drive were the precious pictures and the researches at hand.

if i could do this with my life, get rid of all the baggage, reset myself once in the while, or at least defrag myself periodically, i think life would have less angst.  as a co-fellow put it, life would be much easier if we would not over analyze.  or in my head, end up being pack-rats, paying homage to really unnecessary things that we think make us happy, but end up being excess baggage, slowing us down, or taking us away from the things we really deem important.

as a result, i now have a faster laptop.  it feels lighter too.

i wish my life could be like this.  besides, i need the speed given that i only have 6 months to go in this current exercise. what's MORE... in 9 days, the -ber months will come rolling in.

life is so fast, there is fear in closing my eyes.  once i open them i might find myself living the future.  but then again, i am excited to move on to the next chapter.  with just the necessary baggage in hand. :)

SMS saga

to continue the saga...

i went through the chart of our infamous extension-itis patient only to see that the "silip" done by ORL was normal.  i called friendly GI batchmate fellow to ask the next best course of action.  wel came to the consensus of the EGD.  Mura na, Mabilis pa.  (sounds like PGH logo).

amidst all the embarrassment, i call up kindhearted towering GI fellow to refer our patient.  and then i entered in the chart.  which was real funny because the chart looked like this:

ORL:  laryngoscopy done, no abnormality.  assessment: dysphagia, etiology to be determined.

all of  a sudden, there was this misplaced entry:

Renal:  please do ECG.  Refer to GI.  (which i already did.)

 The next day, i was plagued with forwarded messages from extension asking why they were spending, why the doctors were taking so long, isn't being a PGH charity patient all about getting things for free.

to which i replied: wala na pong libre ngayon.

good thing, this story has sort of a compensatory comic relief ending.  i get a text from kind-hearted towering GI fellow:

GI fellow: smoketh, esophagel foreing body ang nakita.  I retrieved it na.  santol seend.  mukhang nag lodge sa level ng aortic arch.  pa xray na rin.

I wasted no time forwarding the message to my closest friends.  to hell with confidentiality.

it is a good thing my friends were really my friends.  their replies:

frichmond:  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

SAFM:  I burst into laughter in the middle of thigns when i remember the  f ____ ng santol.  AHAHAHAHA!

SAFM after 2 hours: f _ _ _!  tawang tawa pa rin ako sa santol ahahahaha ahahahaha AHAHAHAHAHAH!

In fairness, extensionitis had her share of SMS as well: good afternoon, po. Dra, maraming salamat po nandito na kame sa bahay.  salamat po talaga.

to which i replied....NOTHING!